Dreaming while awake..

You know it's hard, you know it always was.
Why did i let myself fall? it was almost uncontrollable.
It's finally come to the day, the day it will end. I knew it was coming
but why don't I want it to come, it's inevitable like life everything ends, but why
why did I let it prolong and fester inside of me and grow
I pushed so far so far away to avoid this conclusion, but yet it happened anyway.,
even though you didn't decide it , it was decided for you, why don't  u want to let it happen
it wasn't suppose to be this way u tell yourself, it can be light again you tell yourself,
but it's just a temporary thought of hope to mask the massive elephant in the room.

It started simple, the middle was complicated but amazing, nothing you felt before, nothing could surely replace that feeling, that moment, that heart ache, that love, at least that's what you thought. Then it does and no matter how much you go on and linger on wanting it to come back, even if you still love him and want it back, it's gone on one end that means it will never be hole.


You ask yourself how can you ever love again, share the memories, the thoughts, the occasions, how can anybody do what he did for you. But if u look back on things, the most important of things you realize it's not the material things or the money or the presents or the events or the touch, it's the love. The one thing that you were yearning and never wanted to happen, the one thing that happened and when it did you thought it would be forever, the one thing that you desire is the one thing that is lost, perhaps the most important thing that holds anyone together and completes any circle, the loss of love hurts more than never finding the moments again. The love the unconditional  love no matter what on both ends is the one thing that really is irreplaceable, not the late night visits, the sweet words, the presents, the touch, the lust, the dedication , the obsession or the memories. it's the love, the one thing that should never go the one thing that you ask of anyone to partner you in this journey called life, is to love you, no matter what, even if you push them away, even if you are at your worst, never stop loving me you ask. But then they did didn't they, so maybe it really wasn't love at all.

I'd trade it all the hole experience for one person who would promise they would never stop loving me, and then indeed never will.

What ever happened to the fighters? the ones that would fight for you, your happiness the ones who would climb the highest mountain to find the most delicate rose? there are plenty of dreamers and not enough dreams

Time to realize what you knew all along, you know it's for the best but why don't you want to believe it yet? I haven't awoken from that dream yet, I knew it was going to happen, just want to go back to sleep for a while, just dream on and pretend I live in that dream world where Cinderella looses her slipper and finds prince charming, oh how I was asleep for too long. But all dreams must come to an end, they are but subconscious thoughts but not our reality. It really isn't the same as reality, I know that it isn't the same anymore, dreams are great and then you wake up, reality is far greater than dreaming. Things that were once amazing burn out really quick and then you are faced with the choice of prolonging the sadness and re-living the pain, or trying your greatest efforts to make it work again, to shift from the dream realm into reality into the bitter truth about life and relationship, they suck they are hard work and they are not always perfect. Some people choose to keep going out of pure will and dedication to their promise, while others give up and realize it's all to hard and if it's not perfect or ideal or what they believe to be a dream then it's not worth fighting for. I need to find myself within this dream and put the pieces back together so I can face reality and find a real person, not a prince charming.