I believe in Sadness

I don't want to be this.
I don't want to cry, I don't want the pain.
Like the sunrises every morning the pain inside me rises and turns from a beautiful sunset to an anxious cloudy day.
I don't understand this pain , mostly i don't understand why it came so shortly after the most intriguing ecstasy ever known to a person.

They call it love, with every touch

, expectation , hope and dream. They call it love and it's gone too soon.
You can't control somebodies emotions, but you can't help but feel the pain that comes from their decisions.

What is love? but a floating moment in ones head, can only be conquered when the time is right, when it's needed and when the salt starts to rub, rub deeply in the wounds of hurt.
Love is the absence of love. It comes uninvited and unexpected but subconsciously predetermined.

It comes with sorrow and a whole bag of guilt and pain, and most definitive the worst thing that it comes with is the responsibility of another persons uncontrollable emotions, unpredictable actions. At first they glitter in the specs of your eyes , the uncontrollably emotions and unpredictable feelings flutter like the water from your eyes, the water that so forcibly squeezes out so fluorescent after periods of sorrow, they call them tears.

Then you realize that the exact same thing you desired of love has become the exact same thing that makes you sad. It's the fact that you can't be inside of somebody elses head, you can't know what they think, how they see you, how they breathe, eat, love, you can't control what they do to you and you can't control their love.

So what is love? I know love is something I feel, I know love is the feeling I get when I'm happy and my heart flutters, something unique and unpredictable and secure. But what is love to you or me? or anybody else who isn't inside my head? Love is only explainable to ones self as a personal journey and cannot be shared. yes love is the worst thing that can happen if it's unexpressed, suppressed or undead.

I sit here with my pen and paper and write laments of sadness, when I used to be in love, but in fact I realize that sadness is more powerful than love. Reflections of my own soul poured into somebody else, designed to give them hope and security love and comfort. I don't think I believe that this can happen again, at least not like that.

I believe in completion, the other half the other soul, the fingertips on soft skin the moon and the sun and their effervescent glow, i don't believe in investing, pouring or giving so much emotion. It's not love it's a curse, it's a blinded emotion.

I write these words from inspired sadness, and I believe in sadness I believe in the uncontrollable feeling , the one that hits you and you don't expect it. Yes how else can you validate love without sadness?