Reflection of the self

I sit here staring at an empty page, with thoughts of my past haunting me as I try and articulate these past three months. I guess the first thing I want to express is the end of an emotion. You're all familiar with it, it's over compensated for, it's over watched, over played and over advertised. It's called love. Or at least what I thought was love. Sitting here reflecting on a previous experience of this emotion, I've realized that the source of love, pure eminent light and love is god. So therefore with that realization

in mind it is clear to me I have not felt it in any of my previous circumstances, at least not in it's pure form. We often seek love, we look for it, so we feel as though we've felt it. But Alas, the conclusion I've come up with through all my experiences is that love is most truly an emotion you are born with, it's like an on switch you can flick when you meet your 'one' your soul mate your partner. You may turn it on when you are given the illusion of soul mates, or love from another person, and I find many of us seem to do that. They switch it on,they turn on the idea of love so therefore attract it, therefore it becomes an action and an expression. Almost like a placebo affect, you project love so you are going to feel it, only if you want to. I'd like to think destiny has more part to play in it, I'm of the conviction that there is one special person out there for all of us. Our 'true' love, but not as Disney perceives it in it's films. Not a fairytale, but something on whole new spiritual level. If you search within yourself and unlock the light, the love the magic, you are closer to finder your one true love. Thing is with true love is that, to me, it's forever. Quite simply there is no forever, then there in return is no true love. It does not get tired, or old, or move from being 'in love' to just 'loving'.. it's eternal. That's what makes it sacred. From all my blogs I've noticed that every experience to this date has been one of love in relation to pain and loss, I thought to myself, these are not feelings of true love, but feelings of emotional torment, dependency and insecurities. Surely true love can only emit happiness. Something I'm excited to discover, more importantly something I'm experiencing being in solitude. Loving myself has opened the door to an idea of a love that exists without dependency and pain. I may have found it again, although this time I was not searching, this time It was destiny. Whatever the circumstances are, I found a soul that is much more dear to me than I ever could of imagined a person would be. I'm grateful for it, It's not a fairytale it's not magical, it's not make believe, it's not thousands of facebook photos, it's personal, it's intimate and it's mine. It's exciting...